Monday, December 21, 2009

The Full Story: Why and How I Am Moving to L.A. - and How You Can Help

My name is Will Conley, and I am looking for a few square feet to rest my head in Los Angeles for $300 a month beginning February 7th, 2010 for the duration at least the next few months of my interesting life.

I am traveling there from the Twin Cities, Minnesota via three-week road trip beginning January 16th.

I know how this sounds. Three hundred bucks a month in Los Angeles?! Ha ha ha! Good luck! Such have been some of the reactions to my all-points bulletin. An understandable response!

But my faith is unshakeable.

My basic needs are surprisingly simple: A few square feet of space to rest my head: A room, living room, a cave. The use of a shared kitchen and bathroom. Access to WiFi.

That's it. That's all I want.

Do you know someone - including yourself - who could use an extra $300 a month in exchange for a clean, quiet roommate? If so, please email me: willconley777 at gmail dot com.

So who am I, anyway?

I am a creative person. My bread and butter is freelance writing. My basic source of income is through, a web content production company. I mainly write how-to articles. Topics range from the mind-numbingly simple (How to Tie Your Shoes) to the somewhat more complex (How to Convert WAV Files to MP3, How to Produce Better Tone on a Euphonium).

My creative pursuits include writing, film production, and comedy. (See my YouTube channel at for some samples.) I have traveled and lived throughout the world in various capacities. My earlier days of travel were the most exotic and "noteworthy" of my adventures: I lived in Paris for a month in 1999 on a University of Minnesota program; appeared in the original London cast of a Tony- and Emmy-winning musical called Blast! in 2000; worked for the National Journal in Washington D.C. on a political journalism internship in 2001.

In Minneapolis, my hometown, I attended the University of Minnesota and formed an arts collective called "Afunctionul". I also learned how to write and perform spoken word poetry and hip hop. In Minnesota, I performed extensively in Minneapolis and St. Paul (2000-2004). Elsewhere, I made a small name for myself as a poet and rapper in New Haven, Connecticut (2004-2007). I lived in Roswell, New Mexico for the last six months of 2007 as a construction worker; I lived in Yonkers, New York for the entirety of 2008 as a writer. I love New York.

I have a taste for the varied and interesting. That is why my next move will be to Los Angeles. Until recently, I had only heard negative things about it. I had been planning to move to San Francisco. When I learned that L.A. was a creative and cultural hub, and not just some washed-out Hollywood ghost town like so many led me to believe, I decided to change plans. After all, half the reason I am moving is for the warm climate; Los Angeles beats San Francisco hands-down in that arena.

I have designs on "settling down" in L.A. permanently. Although I love to wander, I am now 29 years old. I figure L.A. is the perfect place for a wanderer to call home. It is gigantic. I love big cities. I have spent much time in New York City, and I love it there, but L.A. suits my warm blood much better. Long may the sun shine on SoCal.

You can learn more about my mind, personality, history, professional resume, and everything else, via That's my entire Web footprint. Fair warning: It's huge. (Cliff's Notes: Friend me on Facebook at Get LinkedIn with me at Follow me on Twitter at

One other curiosity about this permanent move is the route by which I will arrive. I will be driving with a journalist friend named Katherine Glover (, who is traveling throughout the West on research for a series of articles about human trafficking (Interesting, right?) We will go down through the Midwest, Texas, the Southwest, and finally Los Angeles. Katherine will continue on to Fresno, where she will be performing in a one-woman show, after which she will drive home through Denver. The reason this aspect of my move is so interesting to me is because it matches up beautifully with a dream I dreamed early this year (2009). Check it out:

I have been using the above social networks to get the word out about my need to rent those few square feet of space (or "a clean, well-lighted place," if I am to affect my best Hemingway.) My needs are very simple, as you can see. I travel light. My only belongings will fit inside a couple of suitcases and a backpack. I will carry with me an air mattress, so that even if I end up with an unfurnished place, I will be able to sleep soundly.

I have plenty of references and testimonials, both from people I know only online and from people I have known or lived with in real life. Get in touch with me via willconley777 at gmail dot com if you think I am someone with whom you can share a living space.

Life is an adventure. Take risks. Be safe. Live fully. Give me a try as a roommate if you think you can use $300 a month.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me to get the word out about this. When you are done reading this, please consider taking me up on this offer if you live in L.A. In addition, spread the word! Link to this article and send it to people you trust.

Thanks again and Merry Christmas.

Will Conley

Monday, December 14, 2009

Humorist Jerry Abejo Mentions Me in "portraits of nausea"

Posted via email from Will Conley's Random Things

Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Decline and Fall of the Word "Douchebag"

Faceboook Lexicon showing the decline of the word "douchebag" in status updates.

I rest my case. "Douchebag" is dying. There there, my douche. There there. I said it was dying, not dead. We're all dying. Feel better now?

Long, long ago (Spring 2009) in a social network far, far away (Twitter, click here) I overheard (saw) David Armano (@armano) say (tweet) ENOUGH WITH THE PARENTHETICAL ASIDES ALREADY (okay, okay) the word "douchebag". Naturally, I engaged him in some stimulating scholarly dialogue about the popular status of the word "douchebag". Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag. It really is a satisfying, mildly offensive word, isn't it? Like a nice, milky, hefeweisen drunk by the fake fire, "douchebag" goes down easy.

Heh heh, I said "goes down".

So David crosses his legs and he says to me:

"Why William! My good man. I daresay. Fucking 'douchebag' is all the rage! Is it not what all the children - Jeeves! Get me my bowler! Good man! - is "douchebag" not simply the most amenable utterance among the youth of our day?"

I lowered my monocle and replied:

"My dear friend. David. Davidoff. Can I call you Davidoff? Davidoff. Davidhoffen. Meister. I shall call you Davidhoffenmeister. Davidhoffenmeister? Davidhoffenmeister. I daresay 'Douchebag' has been in decline for nigh on some goodly time, now, I would imagine. Why, upon my word, at my last high society function in a shithole basement apartment in Alphabet City, I heard the word 'douchebag' on eleven, perhaps twelve different occasions, not counting the use of the 'douchebag automatic.'"

Davidhoffenmeister cleared his throat:

"'Douchebag automatic', William? Whatever do you mean?"

I was like:

"Douchebag automatic. 'Tis when your 'mate' says 'douchebag' three dozen times in the telling of a single droll anecdote."

And Davidhoffenmeisterweisenheimer was all:

"Oh. Well then. Why do you say, my goodly gentleman from Andover or some shit, that 'douchebag' is in decline?"

And I said, like bam:

"Just as an aging star glows brightest in its death throes, or as the Roman Empire rushed headlong into a spectacular fiscal expenditure spree on muskets and F-14 stealth jetpacks during its final moments before the Hitler came in and nuked those douchebags to Timbuktu, 'douchebag' is heard everywhere now only in paean to its own demise."

I showed him a graph. Much like the one you see in this post. Its contents speak for themselves. But I will speak over its contents anyway. It says Facebook users don't use "douchebag" as often as they used to. It peaked in 2007 and has been in decline ever since. While network television continues its increase of the word "douchebag", the Facebook elite (all eleventeen million of them) are no longer as tickled by the word.
Davidhoffenmeisterweisenheimenkopf laughed a jolly laugh, took a sip of brandy, said "Fuck that noise, Jeeves, gimme quaaludes", and said:

"Jolly good show, William! Jolly good, jolly good. I see you have bested me yet again!"
After which, Davidhoffenmeisterweisenheimenkopffleupagus and I headed out for a sporting round of Scottish baseball (such a wee little ball!) and some crumpets and empire building.