Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Rant? Poem? Satirical allegory to be read in the voice of fawning PBS naturalist Marty Stouffer? You decide.
and take to the Technicolor skies!*caw!*Soaring freely amongst the smog,
this majestic creature surveyed the land
for some well deserved prey,dove for a three-headed frog and
drowned in a river of pig shit outside a factory feed lot in Upstate New York.*intense nature music*The flowing river carried the eagle
along with several newly evolved strains of lethal microbes
spawned from the fanatical use of antibiotics
to your local water treatment facility.The porcine feces was strained through a colander
and piped into some lady's quadruped bathtub in New Jersey.*Marty takes a long drink of vodka from the plastic bottle**music picks up speed*Curiously, her antibiotic hand soap had no effect
on the avian bird flue she subsequently contracted.Had her grieving dog not hacked to death on its bark collar
alerting the neighborhood with its rotting corpse,
the old lady would never have been found.*kazoos*This week on
Wild America:We'll see donkeys and elephants fight
like junkyard dogsover sacred cows and red herringsto the passionate bleat of
three hundred million well fed sheep.*eerie silence**Marty shooting up*Next week:Jackals
everything.Same shit different day,
I'm Marty Stouffer.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Listen to and download, free of charge, "The Circle Game" by Musclemouth, an alias of mine. I recorded this song, which is a hip hop fantasia of sorts on the Joni Mitchell song by the same name, in 2007. Its lyrical contents may or may not still be applicable to who I am today, depending on whether I am lying.Yes, the song is named after the Joni Mitchell song.Yes, the lyrics to the chorus are identical. Yes, the rest of the lyrics are mine, all mine.Yes, the music was made from a slowed-down, beefed up, drum-enhanced sample of another song whose name and creator I do not remember. Yes, this is acceptable within the realm of music, especially within the realm of hip hop, whose roots rest squarely in the art of sampling and re-purposing.Yes, all the vocals are mine, all mine.Yes, you can have it for free. Yes, you can and should share it with your friends, family, enemies, ex-significant others.Definitely share it with your ex-significant others. You'll look like a perfect lady/gentleman compared to the me represented in this song.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
In-stream advertising is allowing an advertiser to post a tweet using your Twitter username, among your regular updates. An in-stream ad usually has a description of the product or service, and a link. Such an ad also contains a disclaimer hashtag for transparency, such as #ad, #paid, or #spon (short for "sponsored"). The idea is you would post multiple regular tweets (5, 10, 20, hundreds) per single ad. Theoretically this would strike a fine balance between regular content and paid content, so that no one calls you nasty names like "spammer" or "marketer" or "capitalist" or "content provider" or "deserve to get paid for all the work you put into creating interesting stuff online" or... Oh wait, maybe advertising isn't all bad. After all, we let television and radio and movie theaters and the ass of your pants have advertising. Why not a tweet stream? There are two common types of in-stream advertising:
- Contract: The advertiser pays you a certain amount of money to post a few tweets via your stream over a given time frame. For example, an advertiser might tweet through your profile three times in a week - once at the beginning of the campaign, once in the middle, and once at the end of the week. They might even rent your Twitter background design on the Web for the same period, as in the case of Twittad (although Twittad 2.0, due out next week, is updating some of its distribution methods. Big things are brewing there.) When the period is complete, you are paid through PayPal.
- PPC: Pay-per-click. You are only paid when someone clicks a link in the ad posted through your Twitter username. Dozens of ad networks use PPC as their distribution/revenue model. Magpie is a big one. MyLikes is another.
For normal human beings who lack superpowers such as flight, superstrength, or mainstream fame, payouts are usually a few bucks. Not bad. Not Benjamin-burnin' money, not "I'm On a Boat", but not bad. I am trying multiple Twitter in-stream advertising networks because I want to compare them. Which ones have the best revenue model? Which ones do advertisers like the most? Which ones do I as the user like the most? Which ones do my friends and followers like the most? I am taking it very, very slow. I am working with a live audience here - my followers. There is no controlled survey panel, here.If I tweet out the wrong type of ad, or if a product or service I help to promote does not at least somewhat measure up to my standards, I will be rightly seen as untrustworthy, and my revenue model - *trust* - is gone.
That's why I'm terrified. Well, no, not terrified. Not after writing this post. Just scared. No...not even scared.Actually, the fear is gone. I have confidence in what I create and share online. I believe in the words I write, the films I shoot, the photos I snap and select, and the other things I share. I believe in the genuineness of the relationships I have cultivated, and I am not afraid to lose a few ideologues who frown on the idea of making money from the content I create. Those same ideologues are probably too busy blithely sitting through and readily tolerating a television commercial for Goldman Sachs to care about little old me, the free-of-charge content production machine. We should all get paid for our efforts. And besides, the advertisers I take on to support me? I guarantee I am not letting anything by me. If it's not relevant, if it's trash, I am not running it. All of my advertisers have to have something going for them - a product or service that I am not ashamed to show to my friends - before I approve them. To be continued, when I feel like it. :) For a good time, visit:Twitter: http://twitter.com/willconley777/
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/willconley777 And for my fellow social media omnivores, my entire Web footprint: http://willconley.extendr.com/
We procreate, we fill the Earth, we alter Her skin. We send bits of Her to other spheres, sometimes even riding along in little Earth bubbles, and back again.We hold hammers and swing cities into existence. Show me one volcano that can do that.Mankind can out-blast a volcano. Nukes. Out-sweet sugar cane. Aspartame. With paint we vie with flowers and macaws. The Sistine Chapel. Mankind is skilled in mimicry, driven by ego, helped by cunning, given wing by dream, and foiled by choice.We do these miracles - for better or for worse - despite impossible odds. Such power deserves respect. When you respect someone, you honor his appointment as drafted host to the awesome forces of nature that move through him.We did not ask to be born. We were selected for the job of existing. Within our bodies course dozens of hormones each with its purpose, each its predestined agenda. With microscopic cells nature builds our bodies and conducts an endocrine symphony of autonomic functions and semi-conscious urges - including those that direct us to eat, sleep, fuck, and defend. To make matters more complex we are arranged in interdependent communities of humans within an interdependent ecology of plants, animals, minerals, and astronomical forces. How we deal with this system of urges and consequences determines how gracefully we behave. It's a hard job, existence. Yet here we are, transcending our limits daily and constantly bringing psychedelic dreams into the material world.
That is why I respect any individual who chooses to live, and why you should respect him too.
Posterous: http://willconley.posterous.com/And for my fellow social media omnivores, my entire Web footprint: http://willconley.extendr.com/
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
This is the latest in my series of documentary video clips starring my friend Tony, who is black. Followers of this series know Tony to be a frightening figure, what with his being from the ghetto. Note the intimidating bling (Blackberry on a lanyard) bouncing from Tony's neck. As you might already be aware, I am only friends with Tony, a.k.a. "The Tiger", because I am afraid not to be. You understand, right? Here he is depicted effing ish up, old school, on the real, in Oaktown, but in Los Angeles, but actually Azusa. Ish is rough here.Here also is a new character in the saga: Victor, who is Latino.For the record, I myself, who am white, am white.Get to know Tony in-depth: http://willconley.posterous.com/tag/tonyFollow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/willconley777
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
palm thumps stone. Fingers encage.
Water falls, stone glows."There it is, your gem.
"You've barely scratched the surface.
"All this time, still pure." Nodding donkeys pump
black gold from blue and green rock
awash in starlight.© 2010 by Will Conley
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
After Idiocracy, a religion of sticks and stones that emphasizes not sitting on cacti and hot stoves will spread like wildfire.
Economists will rule all. Unfortunately everyone will fancy himself an economist, so, still more-or-less anarchy but with dolphin-safe tuna.
Then, philosophers will emerge from the rabble. People will say how smart the philosophers are and how cute they look in cages.
Philosopher-safe tuna will be invented.
All the bubble gum will lose its flavor. A dark time.
At that point the sky will turn forever grey due not to global warming or other chemical or physical change, but to a lack of imagination. The good news: Charlie Chaplin will make a comeback. The bad news: It will be as the title role in "Weekend at Bernie's 4,753."
Then IQs will soar. Children will play Duck, Duck, Partical Accelerator. Mindful parents will play "Baby Jung" to their newborns.
Mysteriously, socks will cease losing their partners in the laundry.
At some point, reality television will depict a suburban strip mall and people saying "Hey, Hi, What up," and not really playing head games.
The last possible date of the apocalypse will pass without incident. In the face of such security and well-being, a general sense of meaninglessness will pervade the popular landscape.
Finally, Conan O'Brien will migrate to TBS. The end. - inspired by Nostradamus, Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, and the distinct sensation that I am dematerializing
Built to Last: Here I note 2 archaeological discoveries of the distant future, and 2 older ones (4 images w/descriptions)
- A communications conduit access cover stamped with the Verizon logo, circa 2000 A.D. Will be excavated at Azusa, California.
- A power conduit access cover stamped with the Edison logo, circa 2000 A.D. Will be excavated at Azusa, California.
- Roman Legionary stamped brick from the Roman Tenth Legion that sacked Jerusalem, c. 70 A.D. Such stamped bricks paved roads and comprised buildings.
- A personal seal that belonged to a military commander, c. 650 A.D. This seal is rare in that it depicts a Hebrew in the style of an Assyrian warrior.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
like whip of lion tamer
cracks upon Leo.Horizons dilate.
Pupils stretch to lines, reaching.
Places weave fingers."Grapevine," said the post,
"Climb. Cling slowly. Cover me."
In darkness, tendrils.
- Originally posted on my Twitter. (@AlanEggleston commented: That's why they invented the exclamation point. "!")
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Joe Mann ;)
Friday, April 9, 2010
This is my friend Tony's patented walk. It is called "The Tiger," because that is Tony's nickname. Tony is was too awesome for the front of a Wheaties box, so they stole his nickname and made a mascot out of him for the front of a box of Frosted Flakes. Tony didn't sue, because Tony is nice like that. But if you diss his walk, he will sue. He will sue you right into the East River.
Note: Audio track was paid for dearly, but I could only afford 27 seconds of music. The film you are about to see is 34 seconds in length. To offset this handicap, you are encouraged to whistle the "Smurfs" theme for the remainder of the video, as Tony demonstrates here.
Another note: This is merely how Tony walks when he is not driving his whore magnet.
2. What is this technique called - in which the material is raised three-dimensionally? Are these called "bronze casts"? "bronze bas-reliefs"? "bronze wall hangings?"
3. Is the subject Don Quixote as I guessed? Even if you don't know, educated guesses would be appreciated. I ask out of plain curiosity.
They were nice enough to pose, so I'll be nice enough to pimp them out. Here you go:
Their business card reads:
Front:Haga Su Fiesta Inolvidable con El Mariachi Juvenil (Make your party unforgettable with the Youth Mariachi)
Camino Real (Royal Road)
David & Rosalva Martinez
Información (626) 334-1193
Musica Para Todo Ocasión (Music for All Occasions)
David & Rosalva Martinez
Información (626) 334-1193