No! Nein! Iie! Aniyo! Bu Shi! Nao!

ALRIGHT, stop NAGGING!



And for the last time, Mom, I don't speak those languages. Do I look like a fucking PhD to you?! We live in a shack and subsist on possum sandwiches and I'm six, for Christ's sake.
(Sedona, Arizona, January 2010)

Westward Invasion Complete. Commencing Overthrow of L.A.

Not to get too militaresque here.

This is just a quick update for all those who follow this blog and want to know where I am at. I hope this answers a few questions.

The road trip was a success. Katherine and I had a complete ball exploring the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and most important, the people of these United States. We slept and spent time in a total of seven cities: Wichita, Dallas, Las Cruces, Tucson, Tempe, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles. We made day excursions to White Sands, the Saguaro National Forest, and Sedona. Katherine's journey is still on, but my move is complete.

Wichita: We spent one night here. Our hosts were young professional classical musicians, and together constituted the very best first CouchSurfing.org experience I could possible have asked for.

Dallas: Five nights here. Our host Ramano is an ER doctor and fitness buff with a very active social life. He and his friends showed Katherine and me a Dallas that we could never have experienced without such insider knowledge as has Ramano. We hung out at some beautiful restaurants and partook of two restaurant promotions in which we were served free Italian food and pizza. We visited the Sixth Floor Museum, where the alleged lone assassin shot JFK and lounged upon the grassy knoll. I attended a play called Hunter Gatherers, which was a perfect 10 (full review with video interviews forthcoming, for those of you who are still waiting for me to make good on that.)

Las Cruces: Our hosts David and Jessica were very sweet. Katherine and I were their second couch surfers ever. They took us out to a local joint for southwestern food. We had a great time joking and opining about the State of Things.

Tucson: If I can pick favorites (I can't), Tucson was my favorite city. Our host Kisani, a medical doctor training to become a psychiatrist, was lovely. She handed us party masks upon our arrival and pointed us to a warehouse masquerade ball full of dance performances, aerial acrobatics, feats of self-mutilation, great live music, and hundreds of Tucson denizens dressed in their finest masked attire. Katherine and I spent much of our time in Tucson frequenting the coffee shops in the area, two or three of which are 24-hour joints. I walked around downtown and along 4th Avenue a lot, taking in the aristic vagrant hippie atmosphere.

Phoenix/Tempe: We spent one night here. I hung out on the Arizona State University campus a bit, working and blogging, while Katherine was outon one of her many research meetings. We stayed with a group of guys in Tempe that were just really cool. One works for an airline, another is a political science major, and the third is a Finish immigrant exploring American culture. We all hung out over beer at their house.

Las Vegas: Katherine and I didn't stay on a CouchSurfing person's couch. Instead we stayed at the home of Ajay and Allison, who are friends of a friend of Katherine's. Now we are all just friends, without the "friend of a" prefix. I like when that happens.

L.A.: I took a Chinatown Bus from Vegas to my new home here, while Katherine stayed back a week in Vegas to do some more research for her long-term book project. My roommates/hosts/landlords/friends Paula and Aaron are great to hang with. Katherine will be staying on a couch here in my new nest for five days starting this evening.

That's the history of Westward Invasion. Currently I am working on catching up with finances, as the road trip tore my wallet limb from limb. After I am caught up I intend to explore L.A., as well as the West at large. Concurrently I will be creating thigns. I will write, shoot and edit video of things, find out where the hip hop and poetry open mics are in the area, maybe hit up a few auditions for plays and films, whatever comes to mind.

I look forward to finding out how I can contribute to the arts and cultural scene of Los Angeles. As Emma, a friend and collaborator, and I say, "We're going to rock this little hamlet to its knees."

Sounds bytes won't do, this time.

Download now or preview on posterous

I_have_to_write_a_story.odt (22 KB)

We lack the hypnotic long form.

Posted via web from Will Conley's Random Things

Headed to L.A. Early: TODAY. Dispatch within...

I am taking a Chinatown Bus from Las Vegas to Los Angeles at 2:45 p.m. today. It's a five-hour ride. Chinatown Bus is cheap: $30. Better than Greyhound. Megabus no longer exists for that route, otherwise I would have taken that for like a dollar. Seriously.

This adventure is not over, not drawing to a close - but unfolding into the next unknown, which I face squarely. I now walk into the future. We all do.

There is so much to write about. It will have to be a reflective series of after-thoughts, rather than a series of real-time dispatches.

I spend my first night in L.A. tonight. I am excited.

Vegas is cool. I did the Strip last night, just drove down it with hosts Ajay and Allison, who know Katherine from way back, in Minneapolis. Had a great dinner with them and a handful of other great peeps last night at an Indian restuarant called Gandhi.

The moon was big and yellow and low on the horizon last night around 8:00 p.m. Unbelievable.

Thoughts are a storm. A good, warm storm.

Posted via web from Will Conley's Random Things

Sedona, Arizona is WOW. Pictures and story within...

This is an amazing place. Katherine and I took a scenic detour on our way from Phoenix/Tempe to Flagstaff, by way of Sedona. We are now sitting in a great coffee shop in Sedona called Posse Grounds, as per the suggestion of sports writer and friend Brad Berreman, whose uncle John owns and operates Posse Grounds. Zane Aveton and Paula Kelley also urged Katherine and me to pass through Sedona if at all possible - an urging for which I am grateful.

Many say Sedona contains healing energy vortexes among the astonishing rock formations and plant life. Some say you can identify the locations of these energy vortexes by the telltale twisted trees and tree roots.

Come to Sedona, people. You need to be here. It's worth the time and energy. This is unique.

I snapped many photos, and due to the participatory nature of this adventure, I am posting pics of Posse Grounds for the benefit of those who participated via their computers and mobile phones. Real life happens.

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Posted via email from Will Conley's Random Things

Taking a breath to let you know what's going on...

I haven't gotten a chance to write a proper blog post about Westward Invasion, Road Trip 2010, or whatever you want to call this Kerouacian journey I am on. Currently I am in a Starbucks on the Arizona State University campus in Phoenix. There is free WiFi here courtesy of ASU. I have made a dozen coffee shop stops, but mostly to work. (I write how-to articles for Demand Studios and do freelance marketing writing/design.)

To date, my travel buddy Katherine and I have slept in Wichita, Kansas; Dallas, Texas; Las Cruces, New Mexico; Tucson, Arizona; and Tempe, Arizona. She found all our hosts through CouchSurfing.org, a unique website that fosters cultural exchange through pay-it-forward couch surfing. CouchSurfing.org is a true, real-life community of networked individuals who enjoy traveling and exchanging cultural DNA. I am astounded by our hosts and how willing they are to share their world with Katherine and me.

It has been a wonderful time. Everything is going pretty damn well. I have met so many interesting people, seen so many beautiful things, that I haven't even begun to be able to express it all. I have stories to tell, portraits to paint in words. I have videos and photos to show you.

I intend to get it all down eventually. I want to spend some time singing the praises of all our hosts. I want to write that review of Hunter Gatherers, an AWESOME play I saw in Dallas (replete with actor interview footage courtesy of my Flip cam). I need to spend a blog post putting this all in context. I want to share some lessons I have learned, or at least some observations.

Travel is nothing new to me. I have been traveling and learning the ways of the world and my vast country for the past decade. This trip is unique, however, in that it encompasses real life and my Internet life and attempts to marry the two. As I said at the beginning of this post, it is difficult to keep up communications and also experience this journey first-hand. It's a balancing act.

Thanks to everyone who has been reading this blog. Please pass the URL on to those who want to share my interesting experience in real time. I will keep it up-to-date as much as possible, and when the journey is over, I will have a chance to upload some of the hundreds of videos and images I have gathered since January 18th of this year.

Next stop: Flagstaff. Then: Vegas.

Then my new home sweet home: North Hollywood, Los Angeles. I got a hunger for that city and I intend to eat the whole thing.

Posted via email from Will Conley's Random Things

Phoenix!

This building is downtown.

Posted via email from Will Conley's Random Things

Birds: An Experiment in Motion and Perspective on Film

Physicists and naturalists might like this. Birds flying in circles, feeding. Downtown Tucson, Arizona.

Posted via web from Will Conley's Random Things

Katherine Makes Her Way Up White Sands

This is White Sands, New Mexico, about 40 miles north of Las Cruces off Highway 70. White Sands is a gypsum deposit. Gypsum, which is water-soluble, is formed on mountains and washed into the sea by rivers. This being the center of the 6500-square mile Tularosa Basin, the gypsum deposits at White Sands had nowhere to go, thus forming these stunning dunes the color of snow.

Don't be fooled by our cold-weather attire. There is no snow at White Sands. It was just a windy January day. The gypsum was packed relatively solid by rain the night before this video was shot, but you can still sink into the surface near the tops of the dunes, as you can see here. Watch all the way to the end to get an idea what happens when you finally emerge into the endless white vista beneath a New Mexico sky.

Being there took my breath away. Behind me there are mountains, not shown here, which just...just...just go there. There is nothing like White Sands. I was moved.

Posted via web from Will Conley's Random Things

Joseph Skewers Own Face at Masquerade Ball in Tucson

Joseph is a fascinating artist. He does all manner of art, including face skewering, playing double-reeded woodwind instruments, DJing, painting, dressing up all rad, and being a nice guy. He is one tough mutha. I had the opportunity to record him on my Flip cam at Saturday's warehouse masquerade ball in Tucson, AZ and interview him a few times before and after his performances. Check out his extreme closeup near the end of the video, and what he says when I ask him how much it hurts.

Posted via web from Will Conley's Random Things

Sexy Silk Acrobatics at a Warehouse Masquerade Ball in Tucscon

We got into town two nights ago. Our host Kisani handed Katherine and me each a $2.99 party mask and told us there would be a warehouse masquerade ball that night, replete with silk scarf aerial acrobats, opera singers on stilts, self-mutilation performance artists, live bands and DJs, and much more. There were about 300 people in attendance, most of them wearing all manner of masks. In this video you will see those masks, as well as a clip of the silks performance.

More to come. This blogging thing is hard from the road. Videos take so long to upload and process when you're sitting in a WiFi coffee shop.

Posted via web from Will Conley's Random Things

15-second video: Two Minnesotans Get OWNED by a Texas Tumbleweed

Katherine and I are commenting on tumbleweeds like the West Texas newbies that we are. Then we get one in the face. Goofy hilarity outside of Odessa, Texas.

 

Posted via web from Will Conley's Random Things

Fast Forwarding Through Winter - Guest Post by Katherine Glover

My friend and travel buddy, journalist Katherine Glover, wrote a post on her private blog about Day One of our road trip as seen through her eyes. She granted me permission to re-post her words here. I enjoyed it. I hope you will too:

Driving south was like fast forwarding through winter. We got to see all the different phases: the slushy, muddy, melting phase; the scattered patches of snow phase; the snow-is-all-gone-but-grass-is-brown-and-u

gly phase; etc.

Now that I'm in Dallas, I keep doing that thing where I leave a restaurant and I feel like I'm forgetting something, because I'm so used to picking up my coat, scarf, hat and gloves before I leave anywhere. This happens to me every end-of-winter; it's just usually not in January.

We also drove through a lot of fog, which was kind of cool but also kind of scary. Here's a pic:


Photo credit: The Unfathomable Will Conley

We left Sunday morning (a day later than originally planned), stopped overnight in Wichita and then drove the rest of the way to Dallas, where we'll be until Friday. We're using couch surfing, an organization that lets you network with other travelers and find free places to stay. It's a great idea, not just for financial reasons but also because you get somewhere and you already have people to talk to and hang out with. So far everyone we've met has been awesome. The only thing more I could wish for at this point is an extra ten or so hours of sleep.

Katherine Glover writes a daily food industry blog at BNET. A recent post of hers reports that Hugo Chavez has nationalized yet another economic sector in Venezuela: a supermarket chain! Read it: http://industry.bnet.com/food/10001249/chavez-government-occupies-french-supermarket-chain-in-venezuela/

The Full Story: Why and How I Am Moving to L.A. - and How You Can Help

My name is Will Conley, and I am looking for a few square feet to rest my head in Los Angeles for $300 a month beginning February 7th, 2010 for the duration at least the next few months of my interesting life.

I am traveling there from the Twin Cities, Minnesota via three-week road trip beginning January 16th.

I know how this sounds. Three hundred bucks a month in Los Angeles?! Ha ha ha! Good luck! Such have been some of the reactions to my all-points bulletin. An understandable response!

But my faith is unshakeable.

My basic needs are surprisingly simple: A few square feet of space to rest my head: A room, living room, a cave. The use of a shared kitchen and bathroom. Access to WiFi.

That's it. That's all I want.

Do you know someone - including yourself - who could use an extra $300 a month in exchange for a clean, quiet roommate? If so, please email me: willconley777 at gmail dot com.

So who am I, anyway?

I am a creative person. My bread and butter is freelance writing. My basic source of income is through http://DemandStudios.com, a web content production company. I mainly write how-to articles. Topics range from the mind-numbingly simple (How to Tie Your Shoes) to the somewhat more complex (How to Convert WAV Files to MP3, How to Produce Better Tone on a Euphonium).

My creative pursuits include writing, film production, and comedy. (See my YouTube channel at http://youtube.com/willconley777 for some samples.) I have traveled and lived throughout the world in various capacities. My earlier days of travel were the most exotic and "noteworthy" of my adventures: I lived in Paris for a month in 1999 on a University of Minnesota program; appeared in the original London cast of a Tony- and Emmy-winning musical called Blast! in 2000; worked for the National Journal in Washington D.C. on a political journalism internship in 2001.

In Minneapolis, my hometown, I attended the University of Minnesota and formed an arts collective called "Afunctionul". I also learned how to write and perform spoken word poetry and hip hop. In Minnesota, I performed extensively in Minneapolis and St. Paul (2000-2004). Elsewhere, I made a small name for myself as a poet and rapper in New Haven, Connecticut (2004-2007). I lived in Roswell, New Mexico for the last six months of 2007 as a construction worker; I lived in Yonkers, New York for the entirety of 2008 as a writer. I love New York.

I have a taste for the varied and interesting. That is why my next move will be to Los Angeles. Until recently, I had only heard negative things about it. I had been planning to move to San Francisco. When I learned that L.A. was a creative and cultural hub, and not just some washed-out Hollywood ghost town like so many led me to believe, I decided to change plans. After all, half the reason I am moving is for the warm climate; Los Angeles beats San Francisco hands-down in that arena.

I have designs on "settling down" in L.A. permanently. Although I love to wander, I am now 29 years old. I figure L.A. is the perfect place for a wanderer to call home. It is gigantic. I love big cities. I have spent much time in New York City, and I love it there, but L.A. suits my warm blood much better. Long may the sun shine on SoCal.

You can learn more about my mind, personality, history, professional resume, and everything else, via http://willconley.extendr.com. That's my entire Web footprint. Fair warning: It's huge. (Cliff's Notes: Friend me on Facebook at http://facebook.com/wconley. Get LinkedIn with me at http://www.linkedin.com/in/willconley. Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/willconley777.)

One other curiosity about this permanent move is the route by which I will arrive. I will be driving with a journalist friend named Katherine Glover (http://katherineglover.net), who is traveling throughout the West on research for a series of articles about human trafficking (Interesting, right?) We will go down through the Midwest, Texas, the Southwest, and finally Los Angeles. Katherine will continue on to Fresno, where she will be performing in a one-woman show, after which she will drive home through Denver. The reason this aspect of my move is so interesting to me is because it matches up beautifully with a dream I dreamed early this year (2009). Check it out: http://americanwest.crowdvine.com

I have been using the above social networks to get the word out about my need to rent those few square feet of space (or "a clean, well-lighted place," if I am to affect my best Hemingway.) My needs are very simple, as you can see. I travel light. My only belongings will fit inside a couple of suitcases and a backpack. I will carry with me an air mattress, so that even if I end up with an unfurnished place, I will be able to sleep soundly.

I have plenty of references and testimonials, both from people I know only online and from people I have known or lived with in real life. Get in touch with me via willconley777 at gmail dot com if you think I am someone with whom you can share a living space.

Life is an adventure. Take risks. Be safe. Live fully. Give me a try as a roommate if you think you can use $300 a month.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me to get the word out about this. When you are done reading this, please consider taking me up on this offer if you live in L.A. In addition, spread the word! Link to this article and send it to people you trust.

Thanks again and Merry Christmas.

Sincerely,
Will Conley

Why West? Because It's There.

Saul Williams
Originally uploaded by Jeremy Farmer Photog

I want to help people overcome their fears. I want to be that T-bone collision that gets people off the highway and onto the back roads. To become pioneers, all of us.

Do you realize how gripped you are with fear? Do you know you can do anything you want - at least in comparison to what you are doing?

I love Saul Williams. His song "Coded Language" has saved my life. Gave it meaning, enriched it, reinvigorated it - dozens of times. An apt excerpt:

"Your current frequencies of understanding outweigh that which has been given for you to understand.

"The current standard is the equivalent of an adolescent restricted to the diet of an infant.

"The rapidly changing body would acquire dysfunctional and deformative symptoms and could not properly mature on a diet of apple sauce and crushed pears."

Listen to the whole track if you want.

That whole idea - that we are accidentally living life normally when we could be living it extraordinarily and making the extraordinary normal - is one of my motives for organizing Westward Invasion 2009.

Another motivation is that the United States is often pooh-poohed as too domestic for any self-respecting traveler to bother with.

In fact, some people think the United States is actually five or nine different countries bundled into one monolithic beast of a bureaucracy. In fact, people are different wherever you go in this country. I want to talk to them and see all their secret gardens, don't you?

Besides, even if you think you already know the U.S., consider that "A fish knows not wetness for wetness is all it knows. Make friends with whales and birds to learn water."

As you were.

Or as you want to be.

A Social Media Experiment on the Grand Scale: Westward Invasion 2009

What is Westward Invasion 2009?
Short answer: An emigration. An adventure. An erasure of the boundary between online and offline. A social media experiment on the grand scale. A reality show that is actually worth watching, broadcast in a decentralized manner in real time by you, sponsored by visionaries.

Clear answer: Westward Invasion is an emigration and adventure opportunity for me and you. I am moving to California. Some of you are coming with me. Others will just travel with us for all or part of the journey. We're packing light and taking the slow route, curling a path all over the West, visiting places both mundane and fantastical. Invaders who live in the West will act as hosts for a day. Those who don't want to participate IRL (In Real Life) can do so virtually. Sponsors are invited to pay attention.

The whole thing will be blogged and vlogged here and elsewhere. I am inviting everyone I know on Twitter, Facebook, Digg, this blog, your blogs, and other networks to participate on some level. How far can social media go to make things happen in the real world? Is it possible to erase the line between online and offline?

I invite you to join Westward Invasion 2009. No commitment is implied when you join the network. Just get your face up there, tell us about yourself, share some of your own ideas, poke around, ask questions, get excited about possibilities. Everything is explained there - inasmuch as Westward Invasion can be explained. We are in build-and-brainstorm mode, so I am wide open to ideas.

While you're at it, get with me on Twitter if you're into that sort of thing. I like it.

Talk to you soon. Be fierce.

Move Somewhere Warm This Autumn

I'm spearheading a westward invasion this autumn and you’re coming with me. Enough is enough, the cold winters blow, and the road is the safest place on Earth.

Couple of suitcases, my laptop in my backpack, some clothes and a good pair of walking boots. Three months rent in advance on a furnished room in California.

With six months lead time that’s a doable goal.

Hopping a Greyhound to do it. It’ll be my own little Merry Pranksters bus only I don’t have to pay for gas.

You wanna come with? We’ll coordinate a schedule.

The rules:

1. You pay your own way.

2. You pack light and don’t be addicted to your material things.

3. You must have a sense of adventure.

4. You must be physically fit. The Greyhound ain’t for the faint of heart.

5. You must not be too picky about what happens at the end of the journey.

6. You must live somewhere on Earth. We will all meet up somewhere between Minnesota and
California, sometime.

7. You must have at least one or two “nice” outfits. We might all get jobs working in Silicon Valley on the way. Bring overalls too; we might end up working construction.

That is the vision. Sunshine, that California flakiness – all of it – here I come.

If you’re interested in a fearless hobo journey beginning Autumn 2009, get in touch with Will Conley. Let’s see if we can’t make this country more interesting.

I’m open to changing plans too. It all depends on who’s interested and who’s got big cojones. Get in touch with me on Twitter or Facebook.

August in Paris, 1999

Last night I scanned in all 69 surviving pictures of my trip to Paris in 1999. I traveled there through a University of Minnesota program (UMD and UMTC) called "August in Paris". I got six college credits to learn all kinds of fancy French words like "liqueur", "vin", "cidre" and "ivre".* God Bless Countries That Have Flags of Red, White and Blue.



*Liqueur=liquor, vin=wine, cidre=alcoholic cider, and ivre=drunk.