To explain:
Woot! is a product review website and distributor. They write funny reviews. Hilarious, even. As I am always on the lookout for new clients, I thought I would hit up Woot! for some freelance writing work. The contact page on Woot.com was frightening, so I said screw it and wrote an email posing as a depressingly poverty-stricken person begging for a job. So Woot!, open your damn email or just read this post and respond. People are starving.
*****
Subject: So funny you won't believe I'm unemployed.
Seriously, how can one so funny be so jobless?
Hi. I'm Will Conley, and welcome to My Cry for Help. Brought to you by:
My landlady.
These and other fine clients (and my mom) are supporting me in my time of need, but not quite enough. That's why I'm foregoing six meals in a row to craft this email to Woot.com, so that I might make a plea for paid employment, if only on a trial basis. I have no food.
Send me one product and I will review the living f*ck out of it for Woot.com. Just to show you how flexible I am, you can pay me whatever you want, as long as it's $500, give or take my last remaining shred of pride.
I love you.
Sincerely,
Desperately Hilarious
